


My Third Heart

by flowerymoonlight



Category: Black Widow (Comics), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Original Character Death(s), Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23027992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerymoonlight/pseuds/flowerymoonlight
Summary: You saw the Soldat a total of four times in your life.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	My Third Heart

The first time you saw Soldat you were nine years old and practicing for your first ballet recital. He had come in with six other men all in combat gear and all surrounding another man in a suit. You didn’t know enough then not to look him in the eyes – even if they were void of any color.

The second time you saw Soldat you were fifteen and instructed to wait in the training room with Natalia, Alina, and Dominika. You knew you four were the best in your class, you just weren’t sure whether they would kill you or give you an assignment. Then the Soldat walked in without his mask and barking orders that your body had since a long time ago learn to follow.

From that day on you saw the Soldat every day for the next four years. He trained you and the others on different fighting styles, how to make yourselves invisible and how to get in and out of a room without anyone inside it realize you were ever there.

He had you working in two teams, you with Natalia and Alina with Dominika. You were operating a mission in Moska when Alina and Dominika were compromised by the local police. You sat and watched as the Soldat pulled out his rifle and aimed. Two head-shots. Fifteen minutes later you were on a military aircraft back to the compound.

You never forgot the speed in which he was ready to take them out.

When it was time for yours and Natalia’s graduation ceremony the Soldat tried to do a pep talk. It was the first time you had seen him fumbling with his words and it was oddly endearing. It took a couple of giggles from you and Natalia for him to grumble something about the youth and leave the room.

Three years later Natalia went rogue and you never heard from her again.

The next time you saw the Soldat it was a year after Natalia had disappeared and you had learned she was with your enemies. At first, you were angry that her loyalty was so easily swayed and went on a killing spree trying to find Agent Barton, Hawkeye, the man that took her with him. After being unsuccessful you decided to wait patiently and plan his slow death.

That time the Soldat came with the mask over his face and stayed for another year.

That year he was assigned to you – or rather you were assigned to him. Someone from above had suspicions that what happened to Natalia would happen to you. So, the Soldat was supposed to take care of you and make sure you killed for the right team.

He wasn’t supposed to get attached. You weren’t supposed to get attached. You were a highly skilled agent, trained to conceal and be in control of your emotions at all times. What happened with the Soldat was unexpected and certainly unwanted. It compromised your position and reliability as an asset to the cause.

And yet you couldn’t stop. Everything in your training told you that getting involved with an agent, from your team or otherwise, was to be avoided at all costs. You must not have any attachments so you can focus on the cause.

The Soldat had assured you after a night of holding you close that you were both extremely committed to what was right and this thing between you was simply bodies exchanging heat.

You tried to believe him – until you didn’t. Until he almost got his head blown up during an extraction, and so much worry clouded your mind that you almost got made by the enemy. And it was only almost because you made sure no one of them would live to tell the tale.

You tried to believe that the cause was more important even as you rushed to make sure he was okay and kissed him when all you could find on his body were a few scratches and bruises, maybe a cracked rib that would heal in a couple of hours. You even tried to believe it when he kissed you back with the same vigor while you dragged each other back to the safe house.

You began to wonder when you would see him after an especially hard mission that would get him to the infirmary for two days. Or when he would leave for a mission all alone, arming himself to the bone. You began to worry about him. And you began to wonder if the cause really was more important than him.

That’s when you knew you were in too deep and the only solution was to extract yourself from the situation focus on your assignments. But knowing what to do and actually doing it are two very different things.

Then your pace started to change. He was coming to see you after each mission before he could even get checked for injuries. He would stay until you made him leave and take a shower and check himself and then he would come back at night when all the lights were out and none the wiser.

He would curl around you and bring you both to orgasm but he would never let go of you not even for a moment. After he would stay until his breathing evened out, until your breathing evened out, and you would fall asleep in his arms every night. Even if you woke up without him the next day, you knew he wanted to stay.

It was becoming more and more dangerous to see him and get even more attached and infatuated with him. And yet there was a war happening inside of you, between your heart and your mind. Both convinced that they knew the right thing to do and yet pitching two different things.

Realizing and acknowledging your situation didn’t make it any easier when they took him from you. A year after being partners the STRIKE team came barging in while you were cleaning your weapons and they tasered him till he couldn’t move and was helpless as they hoisted him up and took him away from you.

The only reaction you gave – the only reaction you were supposed to give – was a twitch of your jaw before they left and you focused again on cleaning your gun. Aware of the cameras in the room and how they were now intently focused on you and aware of where they were taking him and what they’d do to him.

It hurt more when you pretended like nothing had happened. Like they didn’t take your partner away from you. It hurt more when you were letting out your rage on the enemy and not being able to shoot down the very STRIKE members that ripped him from you.

It hurt more when you didn’t know which was the right side anymore.

So, you did the only thing you could. You went dark – rogue, just like Natalia. Only you didn’t change sides. You didn’t choose any sides. You were on your own with a new name, a new identity, and a new country.

Your solitary didn’t last for long as three years later you were coming back from a run when you caught a black van trailing you. You didn’t give them the satisfaction of acknowledging them, continuing on your way to your apartment.

In all honesty, you were expecting someone to already be there and waiting for you to get back – you just weren’t expecting him. You weren’t expecting to see the Soldat in full combat gear looking around your living room, confused as if it was his first time seeing a couch.

You couldn’t blame him, it was a lot for you too when you discovered throw pillows.

But the surprise of seeing him there after all these years had you being slow and with a gun pointed at your chest while the Soldat stared you down. When your eyes trailed over his exposed face, trying to memorize it again, you couldn’t stop them even if you wanted to.

But the thing that made something inside of you break and shatter were his eyes, and how vacant they were compared to the last time you saw him. A part of you broke even more because you knew exactly what they had done to him – exactly what he went through. And you were not there to stop it.

You expected the bullet to hit you straight in the chest. You prepared for the sharp pain that would only last seconds before you took your last gasped breaths in this world. But it never came. The Soldat never fired.

Instead, he kept staring at you with a frow between his brows. You itched to move as more seconds passed by but you made yourself stand still and wait for his next move. You didn’t expect that either. He flipped the gun in his hand so you could take it from him.

You gaped at him – willingly giving you his gun – and for the seconds it took you to place the thought in your head the Soldat was moving and taking your hand to shove the gun on it till your instincts kicked in and you gripped it tightly.

The next moment he was stepping back, with his hands at his sides, and looking at you expectantly. You lifted the gun to point at his chest and he didn’t even blink. But as much as you knew that you should pull the trigger and flee as fast as possible. As much as you knew your only chance was with him laying on your living room floor, bleeding out, you couldn’t do it.

You lowered the gun to your side and let out a shaky exhale – the first sign of emotion since you saw him. You thought that he would strike you then. That he only gave you a fighting chance before taking you down. But you should’ve learned by then that you should never expect anything from him.

The Soldat took two steps before he was in front of you and grabbing your hand still holding the gun and placing it against his chest. You stared at him as you realized that he wanted you to shoot him. He wanted you to take him down. Does that mean…

“You remember…” You whisper, and it’s lost between you as he shuts his eyes but never lets the grip he has on your hand falter. You realize quickly that you’re hoping for too much. You were asking too much of him. But that just gave you even more questions about his reasons behind this.

“It’s the only way,” he whispered back and his voice held all the things you couldn’t say and all the things you couldn’t feel. You felt it landing heavily at the pit of your stomach and all you wanted to do was disregard all your training for just one moment – one moment where you could hold him before he was taken away again.

But you couldn’t – because he wouldn’t either.

So, you ripped your hand from his hold and before you could blink and change your mind you aimed for his leg, firing a shot just above his right knee that had him grunting and his other knee falling to the ground. You didn’t hesitate before going for his left shoulder.

You did, though, take a moment to look into his eyes as you aimed at the center of his chest again – different position and different eyes staring back at you. This time the Soldat didn’t dare hide anything as you held his life in your hands. You saw everything in those blue orbs and you felt like you were shooting yourself when you pulled that trigger.

You didn’t stay to look after you heard his gasp and the sound of his body hitting the floor. You didn’t stay to look at the blood trickling out of his body and soaking your carpet. You took the fire escape out of the building just in time to hear the STRIKE team bust down your door to find the Soldat.

You didn’t stay to hear if they found a pulse – you just fled.


End file.
